Why Men Cheat: Taming the Tiger Within
[Parental Warning: the subject matter of this post may not be appropriate for younger readers. Parents use your discretion].
Every time a prominent figure cheats on his wife, or for that matter when someone I know does the same, I ask myself “Why?” Why risk losing one’s family and the respect of friends, colleagues and admirers. In the case of Tiger Woods, why risk losing potential millions of dollars in endorsements? Why?
A friend of mine, at the prime of his life and ministry, admitted to an ongoing affair and a double-life of over twenty-five years. He lost his leadership at the church, a promising future, and the respect of many friends and colleagues. Why?
The answer certainly isn’t because they wanted to end up where their choices led. I just can’t believe that sane human beings would sit around and make plans for their lives that go something like this: “Let’s see, what’s the best way for me to really mess up my life? What can I do today to help me have the most regrets in ten, twenty, and thirty years?
So if people who cross the line aren’t trying to achieve the outcomes that cheating naturally leads to, why take the risk? Is it just sex? No, I believe it’s more complicated. Below are just a few brief reasons I believe men cheat. (I know some women commit adultery as well, but I’ll leave that for another day).
1. They Believe the Rules Don’t Apply to Them.
Some of the same men who cheat on their wives would confront and condemn a friend who did the same. But they justify their own actions: “My wife doesn’t meet my needs;” “The woman was hot, and she came on so strong, I couldn’t resist;” “She was just a close friend and it got out of hand.” Here’s one you may not believe: “God created me like this and He wants me to be happy.” That’s right, just blame the Almighty for the sin. People actually have said that to me.
2. They Give in to the Flesh
Guys are tempted by visual stimulus. When some men are turned on by the sight of an attractive woman they can look away and go about their day. Others fantasize about what it might be like to be with her and later follow up on their fantasies.
The two reasons I mentioned above are pretty obvious, but I want to include two other reasons I don’t hear people talk about. I’ve never heard them mentioned in the news stories, and I’ve never heard them addressed in any debate about infidelity.
3. They Want to Stay Young
This may be tough for women to understand, but when a woman, especially a younger woman, expresses her desire to be with a man in an intimate way, he feels young. He associates sexual activity with youth. He looks into the mirror and sees his hair turning gray or turning loose, he has a spare tire around the middle, and his jaws are starting to sag. Most guys don’t want to be reminded of their mortality. A steamy relationship with a women, especially a younger women, turns back the clock in a guy’s mind.
4. They Enjoy the Challenge of the Hunt
Men enjoy the pursuit. When they believe something or someone is off-limits, the hunt is all the more appealing. Women are disappointed and disillusioned when they sleep with a man and he leaves without a word. They often never see or talk to him again. It’s because the challenge is over. He’s off to the next pursuit.
There’s a story in the Bible (2 Samuel 13) about one of the sons of King David whose name is Amnon. Amnon was so attracted to his half-sister, Tamar, that he loved her and wanted to go to bed with her. She refused his advances, but he finally forced himself on her. Afterward Amnon kicked her out of his quarters, and the Bible says he hated her even more than he’d loved her. He killed his prey, figuratively speaking, and threw her carcass aside.
I don’t know what went on in the mind of Tiger Woods. That’s his and his family’s business. Buy maybe thinking about the why will help someone avoid the what. These are just some of my opinions based on my observations and experiences as a man.
What do you think? Am I dead on or off my rocker? You’re welcome to comment and let me know your thoughts.
