Dealing With Criticism

I’ve been thinking a lot lately on criticism that’s come my way. Most of the time people who criticize leaders are well-meaning. They don’t mean to question the leader’s honesty or integrity, but the recipient of the criticism must determine what to do with critical remarks.Any leader eventually faces his or her share of criticism. Leaders are usually strong-willed. Their personal opinions are often on the level of convictions. For visionary Christian leaders, those convictions may even seem closer to moral imperatives from God. Leaders like to get things done, which means change for the people in their organizations; and when people are forced to change, some of them will be criticize the one responsible for the changes. How a leader handles criticism can help or hurt his overall effectiveness.

So I asked the Lord to show me reasons He allows criticism to come my way. Here are a few of the reasons God may send some criticism into my life:

1. To correct me.
Yep, it could very well be that I’m wrong. As absurd as that might sound, I must accept the possibility that someone who corrects me actually is speaking on behalf of God. In the Bible, God rebuked a disobedient prophet by speaking though a donkey. He can certainly use a friend or an adversary to speak correction into my life.

2. To strengthen me.
Muscles grow stronger as they have stress and strain put on them. When I hear one message from God and another message from someone else, I’m reminded to listen to God’s voice and not the voice of human beings. I can’t live for God’s approval and the applause of people.I’m forced to depend on God for patience and strength in the face of criticism.

3. To humble me.
Correction reminds me that I’m not as awesome as some people tell me I am. I’m not above criticism. I’m not above following the rules other people follow. I’m to be the example, not the exception.

4. To prepare to move me.
It could be that God is finished with me at my current place of service. When I’m extremely comfortable, I’m usually not open to a move or a change. I’ve heard that when a mother bird is ready for its baby to leave the nest she makes the nest uncomfortable to remain in. The prickly sticks and barbs of criticism could be God’s way of stirring my nest so I’ll be attentive to where He tells me to go.

These are a few possible reasons God allows critics to speak into my life. What has God taught you by the criticism He’s allowed to come your way?

Responsible For People vs. Responsible To People

Professional ministers and Church leaders can be very controlling by nature. We place on ourselves the responsibility to develop people as growing disciples of Jesus Christ, so we create environments we can control. If I consider myself responsible for how people develop spiritually, I want to control environments in the church to help people become more like Jesus. But inevitably, even when my intentions are good, it’s easy to make programs, services, or classes more important than the people I want to help.

When programs become more important than people, they feel disrespected, insulted, and parented.

As a servant leader, am I responsible for the people I lead or am I responsible to them? How I answer that question will determine my effectiveness and my level of satisfaction in what God has called me to do. Kem Meyer, in her book Less Clutter, Less Noise listed the differences between “Responsible To” and “Responsible For leadership.” (Kem actually summarized Mark Waltz in his book Lasting Impressions).

1. When I’m responsible to people I understand they have a choice. When I’m responsible for people, I think I should decide for them.
2. When I’m responsible to people,  know they must figure out their next step. When I’m responsible for people, I must tell them what  their next step is.
3. When I’m responsible to people, I allow them to bear the brunt of the consequences of their own chosen actions. When I’m responsible for them, I assume the guilt, or worse the shame for them
4. When I’m responsible to people, I engage in their journey, offering encouragement and teaching. When I’m responsible for people I try to direct their journey, never allowing them to wrestle, mess up, or make a wrong turn.
5. When I’m responsible to people I talk to God on their behalf. When I’m responsible for people, I talk to people a lot on God’s behalf.

The truth is, I’ll never have all the answers, so why do I feel the need to act as if I do? What I’m discovering is that if I’ll come alongside people and help them by being responsible to them, they just might decide to take the next step toward Christ because I’ve gotten out of their way.

Question: Please let me know how you’ve seen this play out? What are some examples of “Responsible To vs. Responsible For” that you’ve seen?

The Greatest Cause

[The letter below was written by Carole Spaeth, a missionary to the Miniafia people of Papua, New Guinea. I've changed the content slightly, so as not to let the cat out of the bag about what the people were celebrating. I'll reveal that at the end of the story.]

Preparations for the dedication began about a year ago, with the gathering of materials and building of extra shelters for guests, preparing gardens to grow the extra food, and lots of planning. But THIS day, February 26, 2010, was the culmination of all that preparation. Well before dawn ladies were getting up to prepare the food (and the fires to cook it on) for the day’s meals. Men were cutting branches of fresh palm to decorate the walkway from the rocky point to the specially-prepared podium where the dedication ceremony would be focused. Children picked flowers and swept around the village and under the houses and shelters to make sure the village was spotless for this momentous occasion. Even the roosters welcomed the day with unusual crowing!

The anticipation in the air was so thick it could almost be cut with a knife. This was a historic day–one for the Miniafia history books–and they wanted the entire celebration to go smoothly. They had waited 36 years for this day, and the Lord gave His special blessing by presenting them with a crystal clear sky and calm sea. Sounds of conch shells blowing and shouts of “Oro Kaiwa, Oro Kaiwa” (Welcome) soon gave the signal that the festivities were beginning. The villagers, dressed in their traditional dress with fronds of palm and aromatic leaves stuck in arm and leg bands, rushed to the point that allowed them to look out to the sea. Several canoes decorated to the hilt were escorting the boat bringing the visitors and the cartons with their contents. Drums started beating and more conch shells, and dancing all around–even on the platform of the canoe. The excitement could not be contained!

If I tried to describe all the activities of the weekend in much detail, it would fill a book. That will have to wait for another time. But I will include a sampling of pictures here so you can get a taste of the ecstatic reception the Miniafia people gave.

It was perhaps one of the top-ten events of my life to go and experience it with what I consider my Miniafia family. Thank you for all who prayed us through and supported Donna and me–and David at home–throughout the trip.

Special praise: Of the 1,000 copies that were printed, 900 had been sold by the time we left the village. The 100 remaining were being held for people in two remote villages that were unable to make it to the dedication. At the church on Sunday nearly everyone carried their precious book, and tears streamed down the cheeks of several who were reading God’s words in Minifia for the first time. Me, too!

“… so is my word that goes out from my mouth; it will not return to me empty, but will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy, and be led forth in peace.” (Isaiah 55:11-12a)

This is such a heart-stirring story. There is no greater cause and no greater gift than the gift of God’s word in one’s own language. On a personal note, the story was very convicting to me. I take for granted the accessibility of the word of God. The exuberant joy and tearful celebration of the Miniafia remind me  how blessed I am to own even one copy of God’s word.

A Letter to My 13-year-old Self

God, Our Provider: A Story of Life Change

Guest post by Page Hughes.

She had charcoal black hair, olive-toned skin, beautiful black eyes, and a smile that could light up a room. As Elizabeth approached me at the Desperate for God Women’s Conference she began by saying how blessed she had been the night before by the message. She had been living the last year of her life trying to be sure she gave God complete control of her life.

In August 2008 Elizabeth’s husband had lost his job. Elizabeth’s family is from India. They have no family here, so they have had to make it through this difficult time relying on their heavenly Father. The couple has three children and the financial demands of life have been the same even though they have had little money coming in. One time in particular Elizabeth remembered calling out to God. The baby had no diapers and they had no money to purchase any. She no longer had detergent and the basic things the baby needed. Within a few hours of Elizabeth’s petition to God, an unbelieving friend showed up at her door with diapers, wipes, detergent, baby wash and shampoo. Elizabeth’s eyes shined as she said, “Jehovah Jireh provided for me.”

That evening she received a call from a survey company asking if she would answer a few questions. For her time they sent her diapers and a $20 check. The survey was ongoing and each time she answered the questions she was sent diapers and a check for $20. She reached in her purse and took out a check for $20 and said, that has been a year ago and I am still receiving diapers and a check each time.

Another time her children needed clothing. Again she cried out to God, and an anonymous donor left a gift card on the front door of her home. The sender of the card signed the name, “From the Lord.” God had used human hands once again to meet their needs. The card was for $250 and they were able to buy their children the winter clothes they needed. God sent clothes again through a lady in the neighborhood. Elizabeth remarked that they were “better brand names than we could ever afford.” Isn’t that just like God to send the very best?

There is not enough space to write about all the ways God has blessed Elizabeth’s family. Through the process, God has allowed her to tell many people about how God is taking care of her family’s needs. She has witnessed to several Hindu friends who need to know that God is real and that He answers the prayers of His children. Please pray for Elizabeth and her family as well as many in our country right now who are experiencing financial difficulties.

If you are one of those struggling financially, ask God to provide for your needs. As God provides, be sure to share your blessings with others. God may use your testimony to draw others to Himself.

Why Men Cheat: Taming the Tiger Within

[Parental Warning: the subject matter of this post may not be appropriate for younger readers. Parents use your discretion].

Every time a prominent figure cheats on his wife, or for that matter when someone I know does the same, I ask myself “Why?” Why risk losing one’s family and the respect of friends, colleagues and admirers. In the case of Tiger Woods, why risk losing potential millions of dollars in endorsements? Why?

A friend of mine, at the prime of his life and ministry, admitted to an ongoing affair and a double-life of over twenty-five years. He lost his leadership at the church, a promising future, and the respect of many friends and colleagues. Why?

The answer certainly isn’t because they wanted to end up where their choices led. I just can’t believe that sane human beings would sit around and make plans for their lives that go something like this: “Let’s see, what’s the best way for me to really mess up my life? What can I do today to help me have the most regrets in ten, twenty, and thirty years?

So if people who cross the line aren’t trying to achieve the outcomes that cheating naturally leads to, why take the risk? Is it just sex? No, I believe it’s more complicated. Below are just a few brief reasons I believe men cheat. (I know some women commit adultery as well, but I’ll leave that for another day).

1. They Believe the Rules Don’t Apply to Them.
Some of the same men who cheat on their wives would confront and condemn a friend who did the same. But they justify their own actions: “My wife doesn’t meet my needs;” “The woman was hot, and she came on so strong, I couldn’t resist;” “She was just a close friend and it got out of hand.” Here’s one you may not believe: “God created me like this and He wants me to be happy.” That’s right, just blame the Almighty for the sin. People actually have said that to me.

2. They Give in to the Flesh
Guys are tempted by visual stimulus. When some men are turned on by the sight of an attractive woman they can look away and go about their day. Others fantasize about what it might be like to be with her and later follow up on their fantasies.

The two reasons I mentioned above are pretty obvious, but I want to include two other reasons I don’t hear people talk about. I’ve never heard them mentioned in the news stories, and I’ve never heard them addressed in any debate about infidelity.

3. They Want to Stay Young
This may be tough for women to understand, but when a woman, especially a younger woman, expresses her desire to be with a man in an intimate way, he feels young. He associates sexual activity with youth. He looks into the mirror and sees his hair turning gray or turning loose, he has a spare tire around the middle, and his jaws are starting to sag. Most guys don’t want to be reminded of their mortality. A steamy relationship with a women, especially a younger women, turns back the clock in a guy’s mind.

4. They Enjoy the Challenge of the Hunt
Men enjoy the pursuit. When they believe something or someone is off-limits, the hunt is all the more appealing. Women are disappointed and disillusioned when they sleep with a man and he leaves without a word. They often never see or talk to him again. It’s because the challenge is over. He’s off to the next pursuit.

There’s a story in the Bible (2 Samuel 13) about one of the sons of King David whose name is Amnon. Amnon was so attracted to his half-sister, Tamar, that he loved her and wanted to go to bed with her. She refused his advances, but he finally forced himself on her. Afterward Amnon kicked her out of his quarters, and the Bible says he hated her even more than he’d loved her. He killed his prey, figuratively speaking, and threw her carcass aside.

I don’t know what went on in the mind of Tiger Woods. That’s his and his family’s business. Buy maybe thinking about the why will help someone avoid the what. These are just some of my opinions based on my observations and experiences as a man.

What do you think? Am I dead on or off my rocker? You’re welcome to comment and let me know your thoughts.

Real life isn’t like Benjamin Button–or is it?

[This post is not an endorsement of the movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Some of the contents of the film are questionable and certainly inappropriate for children.]

I watched my mom’s life fade away in a hospital room about two weeks before I saw the The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Since the story of Benjamin Button is told by a mother on her death bed to her daughter, the movie got my attention. The daughter in the story, pictured in the foreground in the above picture, lived a far distance from her mom and dealt with feelings of guilt because she wasn’t around much for her mom. Again, I empathized with the daughter since I live several hours from my parents and only go home to visit a couple of times a year.

The gist of the story of Benjamin Button is that Benjamin, played by Brad Pitt, is born with the body of a very old man. As he grows older, he appears younger and younger. While everyone around him ages, all the people he cares about, he actually appears to be getting younger. The irony of the story is that he’s aging too, he just doesn’t appear to be. Benjamin accepts his condition and learns to love and appreciate people while they’re alive. He realizes early in his life that we’re all dying whether we realize it or not.

I know it sounds sort of morbid, but it’s really not. Even the Bible weighs in plenty on death and dying. “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14b, NIV).

Here are just a few lessons that came to me as I reflected on Benjamin Button:

1. Life is precious. Love people while you have them.

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed for any of us. We should show and tell those we love how we feel about them today, while there’s time. After Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, he visited the home of Mary, Martha, and Larzarus. Mary was apparently so overcome by love and gratitude for the Savior, she broke open an expensive jar of perfume, worth a year’s wages, and poured it over the feet of Jesus. The disciples thought that gesture was a great waste, but Jesus told them to leave her alone. She expressed her love for Him while there was still time. That moment wouldn’t repeat itself.

2. Life is short. Don’t become bitter.

The other day I ran across an old journal. I turned to an entry I made back in May, 2007 that reminded me of a season in which I battled anger and bitterness. I’d  joined my family on vacation in Florida after I’d visited my mom in a hospital in Kentucky as a result of a stroke. Not long before her stroke we’d learned that my dad had stage four lymphoma. Here’s the entry:

Looking at mom as she lay in that hospital bed was so hard. She looked like an 80 year old woman. She’s actually 66. Mom’s paralyzed on her left side. She can’t see well and is very confused. She couldn’t eat much, but I fed her some applesauce. She said, “That’s wonderful.” She says that a lot. She said, “I bet you never thought you’d be feeding me like this.” Actually, I did believe I would one day feed her like that, but I hoped it would never happen.

After I did what I could for her, I met the family down here (Florida, that is).

I’ve noticed myself becoming more easily angered lately. I understand all the emotions and the cycle of grief, etc. But I still struggle just as other people do. And I don’t really know what or who I’m angry with. I’m not angry with Dad for getting cancer. I’m not angry with Mom for having a stroke. I’m not angry with God. I’m thankful to God. I’m just angry.

That was over two years ago. Mom’s gone. Dad’s cancer is in remission. My family still has struggles, but I’m not angry any more.

Some lessons related to this one include don’t burn bridges; don’t hold grudges; and don’t seek revenge when wronged.

3. Hold onto things loosely. They can be lost in a moment.

The older I grow the looser I find myself holding things. When I was younger I worked so hard to get stuff. When I finally could afford a new vehicle, or the latest piece of electronic equipment, or a boat (yes, I had a sailboat and a ski boat and neither was as fun as I’d imagined. Both cost more to maintain than I’d thought possible. I later learned it was more fun to have friend who owned those things than to own them myself). It seemed as if I was always worried something was going to happen to them (which it did). I held on to them longer than I should have.

If we understand that it’s just stuff, if it breaks or is taken away, that’s o.k. If it’s worth it, we can replace it. If it’s not, we really didn’t need it anyway.

4. Each season of life has its own challenges and rewards.

I used to think getting old would be such a bummer. I imagined as my kids grew and left the house my wife and I would just sit around and stare at each other and talk about the good old days. That’s certainly not happened. I did enjoy spending time with kids when they were younger. There wasn’t as much drama. I enjoyed them needing their mom and me more than they seem to need us now. Two of my four children are out of the house. But I can say today that every season has it’s challenges and rewards.

When the kids were younger, only two of us could drive. Schedules were hectic. They needed constant supervision (as children tend to do). Times were lean back then as well. I was in seminary and pastored a very small church. We seemed to always be pinching pennies.

Now, I enjoy the company of my kids on a differnet level. They’re more on their own, which allows Page and me a little freedom to do some other things. They don’t need me as much, but I need to let go of them as well. I’m so proud of them. I think they’re going to make it. And Page’s and my relationship has never been better. We have more wrinkles, a little more money, fantastic memories, and as far as we know some more time to enjoy what’s in the future.

5. Everybody has a place.

In the movie, Benjamin appears to be born with a serious birth defect. His mother dies at child birth. But just before she dies, she says to the father, “Promise me he’ll have a place.”  Doctors don’t give him much chance of survival. But a few people believe in him. The woman who raises him as her own son tells him that everybody has a place in this world. That’s absolutely true. The physically gifted and the challenged, the genius and the slow, the wealthy and the needy. We all have our place in this world. God has a plan for every soul.

In the last scene of the movie, viewers are shown pictures of many people that touched Benjamin’s life. As they smile into the camera, a voice over of Benjamin says, “Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance.”

I guess real life is a little like Benjamin Button after all.

The Sound of God’s Applause: Second edition

For a couple years now I’ve wanted to reprint my book, The Sound of God’s Applause: Living a Life that Glorifies the Father. The book’s out of print, but periodically someone asks me how they can purchase a copy. My wife Page, who frequently speaks to ladies groups, used to sell them along with other resources until her inventory ran out. Well, to make a long story short, Outcome Publishers has agreed to print and republish the book. They’ve completed the second printing, and it should be available very soon.

I’m so grateful to the Westwood Church family for giving me an opportunity to study, plan, and write during this past July. The book is one of the byproducts of that investment. The book is based on Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but he who trusts in the Lord will be kept safe.”

The back cover includes a summary of the book. It reads:

“Too often we lose our way in this world trying desperately to gain the praise of others–and neglecting the one opinion that matters most. But in this uplifting and hope-filled book, Les Hughes reminds us that as long as we look to God for approval, we will make the right decisions and never lose sight of our Christian purpose.”

“Just as Jesus’ disciples worked to please their Master rather than satisfy crowds, kings, and other mortals, we must humbly say and do what we know is right in God’s eyes, regardless of what people may think.”

“The Sound of God’s Applause draws rich and inspiring examples from the Bible and Christians who followed the teachings of Christ in the face of fearful opposition. It also recounts stories of contemporary Christians who put God’s opinion ahead of the world’s and celebrates the remarkable fruits of their faith.”

“Most important, The Sound of God’s Applause will give you the inspiration and biblical foundation you need to stop worrying about what others think of you, and find joy in a life spent pleasing God.”

That’s it in a nutshell.